Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
