dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
