I'm really into asian looking animals
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
