Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
