I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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