If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
