she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
So gin and wine won't be happening again
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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