I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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