THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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