Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
