a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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