you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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