I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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