Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
