college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
