Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
