Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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