I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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