If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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