At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
