I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
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