I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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