apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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