dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
