Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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