How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
