roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
