I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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