you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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