Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
