my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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