Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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