I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
