Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
