I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
