So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
