i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Pooping to opera.
I'm really busy with my period
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