There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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