I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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