I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
