I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
