She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
