No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
