I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
