I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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