Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
