Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
