Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
