dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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