i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
